In my latest video, I tried to remember sixteen numbers on a grid after seeing them for only eight seconds.

I did it twice. The first time I had no plan. The second time I used one small trick.

The trick was simple. Before the second round, I drew the grid on paper and wrote a range of numbers above each column: 1 to 15, 16 to 30, 31 to 45 and 46 to 60. Now every number had a place to live.

Why would that help? In Episode 41 of Influential Me, “The Cycle of Learning”, I talk about how raw information becomes knowledge once you connect it to something you already know. A loose number is hard to hold. A number that belongs in the third column is easier to hold, because it is connected to something.

I don’t know if it will work for you.

One try each proves nothing, and the two boards in my video were different. But it is a small idea you can test yourself, this week, with no cost.

Here are three ways to give information a place to live.

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There is a phrase for this kind of thing: “a place for everything, and everything in its place.” It means that when things are organised, they are easier to find.

This post is about everyday memory habits. It is not medical advice, and it makes no claim about your health.

Give this a try. Tell me how it feels. If it doesn’t work, let’s try something else.

My phone rejects spam calls for me. The last seven calls on it were all marked “Suspected Spam”.

That is useful. But scammers don’t only ring. They send texts, emails and messages that look real, and a phone cannot always tell the difference.

So in my latest video, I test myself on seven example messages I have never seen. Some are scams and some are real. I have to decide which is which.

Here is what I notice about scam messages. They are rarely clever. They are rushed.

They say things like “act now”, “within 24 hours” or “your account will be restricted”. That is urgency, which means a strong feeling that you must act immediately. It is the scammer’s main tool.

I looked at this from another side in an earlier Influential Me episode, about how confident, charming people influence others. They speak without fear and without too much apology. A scammer uses the same kind of confidence and pressure, but for a different reason. Once you know the tools, you can spot them.

So what do you do? Use three steps, in this order.

There is an old saying for this: “Better safe than sorry.” It means it is wiser to be careful now than to regret it later.

Try it with the next message that makes you feel rushed. Count to three before you do anything.

This post is general scam awareness, not financial or legal advice.

Download Your Free Clued In After 50 SCAM Check List

Have you ever watched someone younger learn a new tool at work in five minutes, and thought, “I’m too slow for this”?

Sound familiar?

I thought about that feeling recently, because I filmed a video where I tried to solve a Rubik’s Cube from memory.

When I was a child, I never solved one. So I did what everybody did. I peeled the stickers off and put them back in the right order. Many years later, I learned to solve it properly, by following an online tutorial and learning the algorithms. An “algorithm” is a fixed sequence of moves that you memorise and repeat.

Here is the part I find interesting.

There are people called speed cubers. They solve the cube in a few seconds. At the time of writing, the reported world record is about two and a half seconds.

“I was never a speed cuber. Not at 15, and not at 53.”

And I think the people who seem so much faster and sharper than me are not speed cubers either. They are like us. Perhaps they are simply more open to new things.

Watch me recite the alphabet backwards!

To compare yourself with a speed cuber is like comparing apples with oranges. (meaning you are comparing two things that are too different to judge fairly.) It feels like a test, but it is not a fair one.

There is one more thing I noticed. The cube algorithms fade when I leave them alone for a long time. But they become easy to recall when I try again. I think skills are often like that. They are not gone. They are waiting.

So if there is something you put down years ago, pick it up again this week.

When did you last say yes to something because you didn’t want to let someone down?

Here is mine.

Someone I used to work with recommended me for a job. The company contacted me. I wasn’t keen, and I hadn’t prepared. But I felt I ought to go, to see what they offered.

So I went. Before the interview, I sat in the car park thinking, “What am I doing here?”

It ended badly. Obviously. My lack of preparation showed, and I think my former colleague lost some face for recommending me.

To “lose face” means to lose some of the respect other people have for you. By saying yes, I had not protected his reputation. I had put it at risk.

Sound familiar?

Most of us believe a yes protects a relationship. It feels kind. It avoids an awkward conversation today.

But often a yes protects our own comfort, not the other person. The problem doesn’t disappear. It waits, and it grows.

Think about who pays when you turn up unprepared. It is not only you. When someone “puts your name forward” (recommends you for a job or a project), their reputation travels with yours.

If you also feel this might be the only opportunity you will get, the pressure to say yes is even stronger. That is exactly the moment to stop and think.

If your answers are no, no, and “to avoid letting someone down”, you already have your decision.

Then say it early, and say it kindly. To the person who recommended you, you could try something like this:

“I really appreciate you putting my name forward. I’d rather tell you now than turn up unprepared and waste your credibility.”

I think this is what trust looks like in practice.

A clear no today is worth more than a yes you can’t deliver tomorrow.

If I could go back to that car park, I would say no before I walked in.

The next time you feel the pull to say yes, pause for a moment. Ask yourself the three questions before you reply.

The car park moment that taught me to decide before I walk in, and how to prepare if the answer is yes.

I sat in front of a camera recently and opened a puzzle I had never seen before in my life.

No practice. No idea of the rules. Just me, a grid full of colours, and a cursor blinking back at me.

For about two minutes, I had absolutely no idea what I was looking at.

Sound familiar?

That exact feeling, the blank, slightly panicked “I don’t get this yet”, is one most of us try very hard to avoid in front of other people. We’ll sit quietly in a meeting rather than ask the question that marks us out as the one who doesn’t understand. We’ll put off the new piece of software, the new process, the new role, because the first few minutes of not knowing what we’re doing feels like proof that we can’t do it.

It isn’t proof of anything. It’s just stage one.

I wrote a version of this idea a while back, about social awkwardness specifically. The same point applies here: a skill you don’t have yet isn’t a fixed part of who you are. It’s something you build, in small, deliberate steps, the same way you’d build any other skill. The confusion at the start isn’t a verdict on your ability. It’s just what learning feels like before it clicks.

Here’s the part people skip.

It clicks faster than you think, and it clicks through repetition, not talent. Not one heroic effort where you grit your teeth and push through. Little, regular attempts, bruised ego intact, beat one big push every time.

So, next time you’re staring at something new, whether it’s a tool at work, a process your company has just rolled out, or a conversation in a meeting you’re nervous to join, try this:

• Notice the “I don’t get it yet” feeling, and name it exactly that. Not “I’m bad at this.” Just “yet.”

• Give yourself one small, specific, repeatable go at it, rather than a single big attempt you’re hoping will fix everything.

Watch me try LinkedIn Queens for the very first time.

Have you ever gone back to something you used to do well, and been surprised at how hard it felt?

This week I sat down and tried something I hadn’t done in months. Not because I’d forgotten how. Just because I hadn’t done it in a while, and the gap showed.

I’ve talked before about the idea of the “perfect executive”, the version of you that never fumbles, always has the right words, and glides through everything without effort. That person doesn’t exist. Chasing them is exhausting, and it gets you nowhere.

Read more about What Would Leo Do here:

The trap of comparing yourself to someone who was never real

When you go back to something after a break, a skill, a conversation, a piece of work, it’s easy to measure yourself against the sharp, effortless version of you that you remember. That version never existed either. Skill fades a little when you stop using it. That’s not failure. That’s just how it works.

So how do you actually get back into something you’ve gone rusty at?

1. Say it out loud first. “I’m out of practice” is a simple sentence, and it does a lot of work. It gives you permission to be slower today than you’ll be next week.

2. Do it anyway, imperfectly. The only way rust wears off is by using the thing again. Waiting until you feel ready just keeps you waiting.

3. Notice what comes back faster than you expected. Something usually does, and it’s worth naming it out loud.

4. Let people see the effort, not only the result. Confidence doesn’t come from hiding the struggle. It comes from showing up to it.

I tested this exact idea on camera this week, attempting a puzzle live after six months away from it, no practice, no safety net.

Give this a try next time you’re nervous about picking something back up: say “I’m rusty, not incapable” before you start, and see what changes about how you show up.

Can you beat me at Wordle?

Watch me do a Wordle 6-months rusty. Got it in 4!

At first glance, frameworks might evoke thoughts of rigid corporate structures or technical systems. However, frameworks are inherently part of our daily lives, often operating in the background. They serve as invisible structures that support our decisions and behaviors, much like the skeletal framework of a building that ensures stability. Without these frameworks, we would be overwhelmed by the complexities of life, forced to analyze every detail from scratch.

Our brains are naturally inclined to use mental shortcuts, known as heuristics, to navigate the world. For instance, when we see a stop sign while driving, we don’t consciously analyze its shape or color; instead, our pre-existing framework instantly informs us to stop. This cognitive efficiency allows us to focus on more complex tasks without unnecessary mental strain.

Beyond individual cognition, social frameworks dictate our interactions and behaviors within society. Paul highlights the unwritten social contracts that guide our conduct in everyday situations, such as waiting in line at a coffee shop. These frameworks foster predictability and harmony, ensuring that our interactions are smooth and conflict-free.

Despite their importance, many resist using communication frameworks due to a fear of sounding robotic or inauthentic. However, as emphasized in the podcast, structured frameworks can actually enhance spontaneity. By utilizing a framework, such as the “What, So What, Now What” model proposed by Matt Abrahams, speakers can maintain clarity and focus, freeing their mental energy to connect meaningfully with their audience.

The key takeaway is not whether you are using frameworks, but whether the frameworks you have in place are serving you well. If you feel stuck or unproductive, it may be time to reassess the frameworks you are relying on. Just as an architect must use the right blueprint to construct a building, you need to ensure that your frameworks align with your goals and aspirations.

Embracing frameworks can lead to greater clarity, efficiency, and creativity in both your communication and everyday life. By recognizing and evaluating the frameworks you use, you can unlock new pathways to success. Remember, frameworks are not just tools; they are essential structures that support your journey toward achieving your goals.

In this episode, I’ll share invaluable insights from the book “Think Faster, Talk Smarter” by Matt Abrahams, encouraging you to abandon the pursuit of perfection and embrace your average self. This episode distills key takeaways from the discussion, offering practical advice on how to communicate effectively while staying true to oneself.

Key Takeaways

1. Stop striving for perfection; being average is often more than enough.

2. Utilize frameworks to enhance your communication skills.

3. Practice active listening to understand your audience better.

Conclusion

Embracing imperfection can lead to more authentic and engaging communication. By recognizing our unique journeys, taking action despite fear, and employing effective frameworks, we can improve our ability to connect with others.

Remember, the goal is not to be perfect but to communicate clearly and genuinely.

Eventually, we develop intelligence by applying reasoning and problem-solving skills, culminating in wisdom when we learn to apply knowledge in real-life situations. This progression highlights the importance of not just storing facts in our minds but actively engaging with information.

Effective learning goes beyond mere memorization. By embracing the cycle of learning, engaging in active writing practices, and utilizing visual representations, we can enhance our cognitive abilities and apply knowledge in meaningful ways.

The next time you set out to learn something new, consider how you can implement these strategies to transform your understanding and retention of information.

Key Takeaways:

• The cycle of learning involves transforming raw information into wisdom through different cognitive processes.

• Writing by hand enhances memory retention and understanding compared to typing.

• Visual representations can significantly improve recall and deepen engagement with material.

• Articulating goals increases the likelihood of achieving them and fosters clarity in thought.

The podcast dives into the fascinating story of the shipping container, highlighting the frustrations of a truck driver who revolutionized global trade. Before the introduction of the shipping container in the late 1950s, loading cargo was a chaotic and labor-intensive process, often costing a significant portion of shipping expenses. The driver’s innovative idea—to lift the entire truck onto the ship—transformed this system, significantly reducing costs and improving efficiency. This serves as a powerful metaphor for note-taking; like shipping containers, a well-structured note-taking system can streamline our intellectual processes and enhance learning.

The Journey from Competent Performer to Expert

I reflect on my teaching methods, differentiating between “competent performers”—those who strictly follow rules—and true experts who can interpret and adapt those rules to new situations. By connecting new ideas to existing knowledge, individuals can enhance their memory and develop a more holistic understanding of their experiences.

Conclusion: Key Takeaways

To transform the way we approach note-taking and social interactions. By adopting new systems and strategies, we can improve our learning experiences and foster more meaningful relationships. The key takeaways from this discussion are to focus on the organisation and application of notes, create low-friction systems for interaction, and embrace a growth mindset to navigate life’s complexities.

Best Practices for Effective Follow-Up

1. Timing is Key: According to Keith Ferrazzi, you have a 24-hour window to reach out after making a new connection. While Paul agrees that this is an ideal timeframe, he acknowledges that it’s acceptable to take a few extra days if needed. The important thing is to follow up within a reasonable period.

2. Make It Personal: A generic follow-up message will often be ignored. Paul stresses the importance of personalizing your outreach. Reference specific details from your conversation, such as shared interests or topics discussed. This shows that you were engaged and genuinely interested in the person.

3. Offer Value: Your follow-up should not just be about reintroducing yourself; it should also provide something of value to the recipient. This could be a link to an article you discussed, a recommendation for a product, or any resource that could benefit them. As Paul suggests, make your follow-up about them, not just you.

4. Stand Out: In a world dominated by digital communication, consider being memorable by sending a handwritten note. As Paul mentions, receiving a handwritten card is a rarity that will likely capture attention and make a lasting impression.

Building a strong network requires effort, and one of the most crucial steps is the follow-up. Remember to reach out promptly, personalise your communication, offer value, and don’t be afraid to stand out.

We spend more time with our colleagues than we do with most of our families. Yet, the level of insight we have into their inner world often stops at their job title.

We’re all guilty of engaging in the universal language of corporate pleasantries. We nail the jargon, we meet the deadlines, and we master the art of the 3-minute conversation. In short, we’re building transactional relationships: I need $X$ from you, and I’ll give you $Y$ in return.

The problem is, this professional façade—this commitment to competence over authenticity—makes true leadership and influence nearly impossible. We’re constantly guessing. Why is Sarah so resistant to change? Why does Mark always push back on deadlines? When we rely on surface-level knowledge, we can only instruct, manage, or occasionally plead. We can’t inspire.

To lead effectively, you don’t just need to know what your colleagues do; you need to know how they think. You need the secret key to their Inner Operating System—the values, struggles, and self-image that dictate every decision they make.

But here’s the catch: you can’t exactly walk up and ask, “What are your deepest insecurities and professional values?” That’s a one-way ticket to an awkward HR meeting.

There is a brilliant shortcut. A low-stakes question that uses the universal language of pop culture to bypass the corporate filter and reveal their professional soul.

The next time you’re chatting, skip the weather report. Ask them this instead: “Which fictional character—from a movie, book, or show—do you feel is most like you, and why?”

Bypass the Small Talk Filter

So, why not just ask, “What are your core values?” Why resort to fictional avatars?

The answer lies in the human tendency to edit. If you ask a direct question about professional values, you’ll receive the highly curated, bullet-pointed list they prepared during their last performance review (e.g., “Integrity,” “Teamwork,” “Deliver Results”). This is their aspirational self. It’s useful, but it’s not the whole picture.

When you ask for a fictional match, you engage a different part of the brain—the narrative part. This is where the magic happens:

The Low-Threat Projection

Choosing a character is an act of low-threat projection. A colleague can admit, “I’m a lot like Hermione Granger,” and safely convey volumes about their meticulousness, their dedication to rules, and their fear of failure. They are talking about a fictional witch, but they are revealing themselves. It’s a workplace personality test.

Focus on the “Why?”

The character choice itself is merely the noun; the why is the verb. It is the real professional gold.

• If they choose Captain Kirk, they are not necessarily saying they want to seduce aliens; they are saying they identify with bold, decisive risk-taking, even if it defies protocol.

• If they choose David Brent, they might be joking about their awkwardness, but they are often also revealing a deep, perhaps clumsy, desire for connection and team acceptance.

The Shared Shorthand

Once you know their character, you have unlocked an emotional shorthand. You no longer have to explain complex situations from scratch. When a difficult decision looms, you can instantly reference their avatar in your mind and anticipate their reaction.

Pillar 1: Building Unbreakable Connections

The first, and perhaps most immediate, payoff of the Character Question is the ability to shift your relationship from being merely cooperative to genuinely connected.

In a fast-paced work environment, empathy is often treated like a luxurious add-on, something you only have time for after all the deadlines are met. But real empathy, the kind that builds deep connections, is simply the ability to understand why someone behaves the way they do, even if you disagree with the outcome.

The Human Element

A resume tells you where someone has been; the character choice tells you who they believe they are.

When you know their professional avatar, you stop treating them as a corporate function (e.g., “The Head of Marketing”) and start treating them as a human being with a specific set of motivations.

This insight allows you to connect on a human, emotional level that transcends professional boundaries. You now understand their professional journey and their internal narrative.

This subtle shift in perception allows you to interact with your colleagues as an ally. You are validating their self-identity, which is the quickest way to create a mutually respectful working bond.

Pillar 2: Cultivating Authentic Trust

We often confuse trust with reliability. We trust the accounting team will deliver the quarterly report on time. But genuine, collaborative trust goes deeper—it’s about reliably predicting how a person will behave when things get messy or stressful.

Trust is built on understanding intent, and your Character Question gives you a clear window into their professional ethics and moral code.

Trust is Prediction, Not Hope

When a colleague identifies with a character, they are revealing the ethical framework they admire or follow. You are no longer hoping they will make the right decision; you are predicting it based on their self-identified value system.

Safety Through Validation

Knowing their professional avatar allows you to offer proactive support, which is a powerful way to build trust.

For instance, if you know your colleague identifies with a character known for meticulous attention to detail and high anxiety (let’s call them “The Analyst”), you can predict they will struggle when you drop an urgent, ambiguous task on their desk.

By acknowledging their internal character and giving them what they need to succeed, (structure, support, or space), you show that you are invested in their success, not just the task. This creates a high-trust, safe working environment where colleagues are willing to take risks and speak up honestly.

Pillar 3: Mastering Professional Influence

We have established a connection (I see you) and built trust (I believe in you). The final step is translating that capital into influence.

Influence in the workplace is not about having the loudest voice or the highest title; it’s about making your goals align effortlessly with another person’s self-interest. If you know the story they tell themselves, you can frame your proposals in a way that makes them feel like the hero of the story.

Influence is Framing for Self-Identity

Stop trying to push your agenda. Start framing your proposals as the logical next chapter for their chosen character. This speaks directly to their inner motivation, bypassing resistance.

The Quiet Power of Alignment

When you successfully align your request with their self-narrative, the need for management disappears. They don’t see it as a task; they see it as their mission. This is where influence becomes fluid and effective. You aren’t forcing them to take on extra work; you are inviting their professional avatar to fulfil its purpose.

This deep level of understanding transforms routine delegation into a leadership masterclass. You know exactly which buttons to press because you understand what makes them feel competent, valuable, and professionally fulfilled.

The Power of Seeing Clearly

The modern workplace demands more than transactional relationships; it requires genuine human connection built on mutual trust. By stepping past the superficial façade and asking one simple question, you unlock the human dimension of your colleagues.

Okay, let’s get real about that feeling. You walk out of a big meeting, and the only thing you can think is: “Why just happened?”

It’s the classic I-Should-Have-Said-That moment. You had the smart, tactical point that could have changed the whole conversation, but in the moment, you just froze.

If you’re a professional who struggles with shyness or social anxiety, you spend all your energy on one impossible task: trying to be the “Hollywood Version” of a confident executive. You know, the one who’s always witty, always smooth, and never, ever misses a beat.

Here’s the truth: That person isn’t real. They are fictional characters, and trying to play their role is why you’re so exhausted.

The key to building real confidence isn’t about faking charisma; it’s about realising you’ve been stuck playing a bad, tiny character in your own story.

You need a better script…

Why Your Current “Character” Doesn’t Work

We all run on an internal script—it’s the story we tell ourselves about who we are. When you’re struggling with shyness, your unconscious script usually casts you in a defensive role:

• The Silent One: The person who observes everything but only speaks when it’s too late or too perfect.

• The Apologiser: The one who starts every sentence with “I’m sorry to interrupt...” or “This might be a stupid question...”

That defensive character drains your energy and actively undermines trust. When you look tentative or constantly minimise your own voice, colleagues don’t see a thoughtful person—they see someone who lacks conviction.

Trust is built on reliability. If people can’t rely on you to confidently back your own ideas, they can’t rely on your ideas at all. We have to break the old, safe script.

Borrowing a Better Strategy

This is where we introduce the “cognitive shortcut.” Instead of spending 15 minutes trying to psych yourself up for a conversation, you steal a move from a reliable source.

Think about the classic scenario from The West Wing. Whenever Chief of Staff C.J. Cregg was caught in a high-pressure disaster, she would stop and ask herself: “What would Leo do?”

She didn’t try to suddenly become Leo McGarry, who was a master strategist. She just borrowed his decision-making protocol.

Why This Works So Well for Anxiety:

• It Interrupts the Freeze: The question immediately derails your panic (”I’m going to fail!”) and forces you into a strategic mindset: “How does a competent, reliable person handle this?”

• It’s a Strategy, Not a Personality: You’re not aiming for Leo’s charisma; you’re just borrowing his specific actions—his calmness, his honesty, his directness. You’re choosing a reliable action over an anxious reaction.

When you start acting with that kind of intentional reliability, you become predictable in a good way. And nothing builds trust faster than predictable competence.

Your 3-Step Action Plan

Ready to stop performing and start acting with purpose? Use this simple, three-step framework:

Step 1: Find Your Professional Role Model

Pick one person (real or fictional—doesn’t matter) who embodies the single quality you need most in your trigger situations.

• If you freeze during salary negotiations, choose the person who is impeccably direct.

• If you panic under pressure, choose the person who is famously calm.

Step 2: Pinpoint the Freeze & Write the Rule

Identify the exact moment you usually shrink (your “Freeze Zone”), and write one simple, clear rule for how your Role Model would handle it.

• If you freeze when: A meeting goes off-topic.

• Your Role Model Rule is: “Lead with clarity, not hesitation.”

  • Action: Say, “Before we move on, I want to circle back to the Q3 numbers.”

Step 3: Action Over Analysis

The hardest part is hitting the button. You have to commit to executing the Role Model Rule without obsessing over the outcome. You are disrupting your old, defensive script to create a new, positive data point: “I spoke up, and the world didn’t end. In fact, I helped the team.”

The entire process of building trust is about choosing a reliable script over an anxious, tentative one. You are already smart enough. Now, it’s time to choose the best character and start proving it with action.

Who is your Professional Role Model and what quality are you borrowing from them?

Your quiet approach is a strength, but only if you master the three core rules of professional trust.

In our new Atomic Ambition newsletter, we break down why:

• 🔑 Reliability is your superpower (Do what you say you will do).

• 🤫 Discretion is more valuable than charisma (Everyone hates a loud gossip).

• 🤝 Asking for help is the biggest trust-builder of all.

Stop being a “Drain” and start being a “Radiator.” Read the full article and level up your network quality!

We’ve all been there. You’re in a meeting, a networking event, or even just at the coffee machine, and suddenly, that little voice in your head goes into overdrive. It’s armed with red pens, ready to critique your every word, every gesture. For some of us, that internal audience doesn’t just critique; it throws rotten tomatoes and screams, “Exposed!” The feeling we’re desperately trying to avoid isn’t just embarrassment; it’s a deeper, more toxic sense that we’ve been revealed as fundamentally inadequate.

That feeling, dear reader, is shame.

If you sometimes feel a cold dread creeping in during team discussions, struggle to make small talk, or find yourself rehearsing simple greetings fifty times, you’re not alone. Your issue isn’t a lack of manners; it’s a crippling fear that a tiny misstep—a mispronounced word, a clumsy gesture, a moment of silence—will expose you as a fraud, a misfit, or simply, awkward. This isn’t just everyday shyness; it’s the profound difference between guilt (feeling bad about an action) and shame (feeling bad about the self). Your mind defaults to Post-Event Rumination (PER), where you mentally replay the moment, magnifying the flaw, ensuring that the shame sticks long after the meeting, the networking event, or the coffee run is over. This is the difference between shyness and being socially paralysed.

To avoid this dreaded “exposure,” we lean on what psychologists call Safety Behaviours. These are the actions we take to prevent the worst from happening: avoiding eye contact with the CEO, frantically scrolling through your phone to look busy, over-rehearsing a simple presentation opening, or staying absolutely silent in a brainstorming session. The terrible irony? These safety nets, meant to protect us, often make us appear more stiff, more distant, and yes, more awkward. The very fear we’re trying to hide manifests the exact awkwardness we’re trying to prevent. It stifles the natural, influential flow of communication so vital for career progression and genuinely connecting with the people around us.

Embrace the Blunder

So, how do we break free from this cycle? The only way to dismantle the Fear of Exposure is to render it powerless. Your key strategy, simple yet profoundly effective, is to “Name the Elephant (or the Zebra).”

This technique involves identifying the source of your internal discomfort—that “elephant” of shame, or the “zebra” of a tiny blunder—and choosing to lightly, neutrally, and immediately name it aloud or simply name a minor error. By acknowledging the awkwardness or anxiety you’re feeling—or the blunder you just made—you short-circuit the shame cycle. You take away the fear’s power because the secret is out, but you controlled the release. You’ve shown yourself to be self-aware and human, which are incredibly attractive qualities.

Let’s look at how this can play out in real life:

1. The Professional Presentation Blip

You’re mid-presentation, and suddenly your tongue ties itself into a knot, or you briefly lose your place in your notes. Your heart races, and the internal red pens are out.

• Instead of: Clamming up, fumbling silently, or trying to hide your physical shaking, which only amplifies the awkwardness.

• Try This: Pause, take a small breath, and lightly say, “Excuse me, my notes are clearly a little too ambitious for my tired brain this morning! Let me just quickly reset here.” Or, “My tongue clearly had other plans for that sentence!”

• The Result: You’ve shown self-awareness, humanity, and professionalism. The audience (who likely barely noticed your slip) forgives the minor blip and respects your authentic recovery. You didn’t give the shame a chance to fester.

2. The Networking Event Icebreaker

You’ve just been introduced to a new colleague at a company mixer, and your mind goes blank. You freeze, or you ask a question that lands flat.

• Instead of: Blushing furiously and forcing out an over-rehearsed, shallow question while avoiding eye contact.

• Try This: (After a brief, honest pause) “I just realised I asked you that with the enthusiasm of a tax form. I’m actually really interested in your work, but I sometimes get a little awkward at these events. What really excites you about what you do?”

• The Result: You’ve replaced stiffness with immediate, human honesty. This disarms the situation, shifts the dynamic from “stranger” to “ally,” and invites a much deeper, more authentic conversation. You’re showing vulnerability, which is a cornerstone of trust and influence.

3. Connecting with Friends

You’re with a group of friends, or maybe at a new social gathering, and you suddenly feel overwhelmed or just don’t have much to add to the conversation.

• Instead of: Over-apologising for being quiet, or over-explaining your sudden need to retreat, which often feels forced or defensive.

• Try This: “You know, I’m really enjoying this, but my brain just needs a quiet moment to process. I’m going to grab a water/step away for a minute, but I’ll be right back.” Or, if you made a small social faux pas, “Oops, my bad, definitely meant to say X, not Y!” followed by a light laugh.

• The Result: It sets a healthy, clear boundary without apology or undue self-criticism. It communicates presence and value, not inadequacy, building trust and a better personal connection. Your friends understand, and the new contacts see you as genuine.

The Payoff: Influence Through Authenticity

By courageously “Naming the Elephant”, you’re not admitting defeat; you’re displaying two of the most influential qualities a professional (and a person) can have: Honest Self-Awareness and Courage.

People are inherently drawn to authenticity. When you own the small blunders, you communicate that you are human, confident enough to be imperfect, and therefore, safe to connect with. This replaces the cold, isolating wall of awkwardness with a warm, inviting bridge of shared humanity. You become not just a colleague, but a genuine person.

Your Next Step 🚀

For the next three days, commit to this small experiment. Choose one minor thing you usually try desperately to hide—a fumbled word, a moment of confusion, a brief anxiety spike—and gently acknowledge it in conversation. You don’t need a grand speech or a dramatic confession. A simple, “Whew, I had to stop myself from saying that backwards!” or “Lost my train of thought for a sec there!” will do. Practice making your blunders small, public, and inconsequential, and watch the tyrannical power of shame fade away. You might just discover that your “awkwardness” was merely an undiscovered superpower for connection.

It’s about leveraging your vitality and unique expertise, not your charisma. Think:

✨ Defining your genius (Pitch) 📚 Sharing your wisdom (Publish) 💡 Packaging your skills (Product) 🔍 Making yourself discoverable (Profile) 🤝 Teaming up strategically (Partnership)

Stop hiding your brilliance. Start building your influence. You don’t have to be loud to be a leader.

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