Let’s start with a confession. Have you ever been at a mandatory team mixer, clutching a plastic cup of soda, mentally rehearsing a witty anecdote about your weekend, only to have the moment pass and realise you’ve been staring intensely at the catering table for five minutes? If so, congratulations—you’re normal. You’re also likely a lot like me, and countless other successful professionals: someone who occasionally struggles with the invisible, unspoken language of charismatic communication.
The strategies we’re exploring come from communication expert Vanessa Van Edwards’s work on charisma, which posits that these skills are not a genetic lottery win, but a learnable language. Her core insight? You don’t have to wait for a promotion to start acting like a leader; you can build leadership traits and influence simply by changing how you interact with those around you.
This framework is a powerful roadmap for the socially reserved. Why? Because it redirects your focus away from the uncomfortable pressure of having to perform or talk about yourself, and instead, centres it on proactively observing and elevating others. It’s about deliberately stepping outside of your comfort zone—not to become a motivational speaker, but to become a vital, positive force within your circle.
Concept 1: Be a Highlighter ✍️
Think of a highlighter pen. Its sole job is to make the most important text stand out. Your job, as a professional seeking influence, is to be a Highlighter for the people around you.
This concept is the active and public acknowledgement of the positive attributes, ideas, and actions of others. It’s about sincerely looking for, finding, and drawing attention to the good things your colleagues do—the things they are typically too humble (or perhaps too reserved) to highlight themselves.
Concept 2: Show Appreciation (The Leadership Move) 👑
The second cue is closely related but involves a crucial shift in mindset: usurping the function of the formal leader.
The formal job of showing appreciation for a team’s success—the “great job, everyone”—is typically the role of the manager, boss, or team leader. To build influence and be seen as a leader (even without the title), you must step up and own this function yourself.
Your Actionable Challenge: For the next week, commit to being a Highlighter at least once per day in a professional setting. Don’t look for the huge, dramatic wins. Look for a small, sincere detail: the excellent meeting notes, the perfectly formatted spreadsheet, the thoughtful follow-up email. Publicly and sincerely acknowledge that one specific action to the person or the team.
Start today. Go find the light, and use your voice to shine it on someone else. You’ll be surprised at how brightly the reflected light shines back on you.
