Stop Hiding
End Social Awkwardness and Become More Influential at Work
We’ve all been there. You’re in a meeting, a networking event, or even just at the coffee machine, and suddenly, that little voice in your head goes into overdrive. It’s armed with red pens, ready to critique your every word, every gesture. For some of us, that internal audience doesn’t just critique; it throws rotten tomatoes and screams, “Exposed!” The feeling we’re desperately trying to avoid isn’t just embarrassment; it’s a deeper, more toxic sense that we’ve been revealed as fundamentally inadequate.
That feeling, dear reader, is shame.
If you sometimes feel a cold dread creeping in during team discussions, struggle to make small talk, or find yourself rehearsing simple greetings fifty times, you’re not alone. Your issue isn’t a lack of manners; it’s a crippling fear that a tiny misstep—a mispronounced word, a clumsy gesture, a moment of silence—will expose you as a fraud, a misfit, or simply, awkward. This isn’t just everyday shyness; it’s the profound difference between guilt (feeling bad about an action) and shame (feeling bad about the self). Your mind defaults to Post-Event Rumination (PER), where you mentally replay the moment, magnifying the flaw, ensuring that the shame sticks long after the meeting, the networking event, or the coffee run is over. This is the difference between shyness and being socially paralysed.
To avoid this dreaded “exposure,” we lean on what psychologists call Safety Behaviours. These are the actions we take to prevent the worst from happening: avoiding eye contact with the CEO, frantically scrolling through your phone to look busy, over-rehearsing a simple presentation opening, or staying absolutely silent in a brainstorming session. The terrible irony? These safety nets, meant to protect us, often make us appear more stiff, more distant, and yes, more awkward. The very fear we’re trying to hide manifests the exact awkwardness we’re trying to prevent. It stifles the natural, influential flow of communication so vital for career progression and genuinely connecting with the people around us.
Embrace the Blunder
So, how do we break free from this cycle? The only way to dismantle the Fear of Exposure is to render it powerless. Your key strategy, simple yet profoundly effective, is to “Name the Elephant (or the Zebra).”
This technique involves identifying the source of your internal discomfort—that “elephant” of shame, or the “zebra” of a tiny blunder—and choosing to lightly, neutrally, and immediately name it aloud or simply name a minor error. By acknowledging the awkwardness or anxiety you’re feeling—or the blunder you just made—you short-circuit the shame cycle. You take away the fear’s power because the secret is out, but you controlled the release. You’ve shown yourself to be self-aware and human, which are incredibly attractive qualities.
Let’s look at how this can play out in real life:
1. The Professional Presentation Blip
You’re mid-presentation, and suddenly your tongue ties itself into a knot, or you briefly lose your place in your notes. Your heart races, and the internal red pens are out.
Instead of: Clamming up, fumbling silently, or trying to hide your physical shaking, which only amplifies the awkwardness.
Try This: Pause, take a small breath, and lightly say, “Excuse me, my notes are clearly a little too ambitious for my tired brain this morning! Let me just quickly reset here.” Or, “My tongue clearly had other plans for that sentence!”
The Result: You’ve shown self-awareness, humanity, and professionalism. The audience (who likely barely noticed your slip) forgives the minor blip and respects your authentic recovery. You didn’t give the shame a chance to fester.
2. The Networking Event Icebreaker
You’ve just been introduced to a new colleague at a company mixer, and your mind goes blank. You freeze, or you ask a question that lands flat.
Instead of: Blushing furiously and forcing out an over-rehearsed, shallow question while avoiding eye contact.
Try This: (After a brief, honest pause) “I just realised I asked you that with the enthusiasm of a tax form. I’m actually really interested in your work, but I sometimes get a little awkward at these events. What really excites you about what you do?”
The Result: You’ve replaced stiffness with immediate, human honesty. This disarms the situation, shifts the dynamic from “stranger” to “ally,” and invites a much deeper, more authentic conversation. You’re showing vulnerability, which is a cornerstone of trust and influence.
3. Connecting with Friends
You’re with a group of friends, or maybe at a new social gathering, and you suddenly feel overwhelmed or just don’t have much to add to the conversation.
Instead of: Over-apologising for being quiet, or over-explaining your sudden need to retreat, which often feels forced or defensive.
Try This: “You know, I’m really enjoying this, but my brain just needs a quiet moment to process. I’m going to grab a water/step away for a minute, but I’ll be right back.” Or, if you made a small social faux pas, “Oops, my bad, definitely meant to say X, not Y!” followed by a light laugh.
The Result: It sets a healthy, clear boundary without apology or undue self-criticism. It communicates presence and value, not inadequacy, building trust and a better personal connection. Your friends understand, and the new contacts see you as genuine.
The Payoff: Influence Through Authenticity
By courageously “Naming the Elephant”, you’re not admitting defeat; you’re displaying two of the most influential qualities a professional (and a person) can have: Honest Self-Awareness and Courage.
People are inherently drawn to authenticity. When you own the small blunders, you communicate that you are human, confident enough to be imperfect, and therefore, safe to connect with. This replaces the cold, isolating wall of awkwardness with a warm, inviting bridge of shared humanity. You become not just a colleague, but a genuine person.
Your Next Step 🚀
For the next three days, commit to this small experiment. Choose one minor thing you usually try desperately to hide—a fumbled word, a moment of confusion, a brief anxiety spike—and gently acknowledge it in conversation. You don’t need a grand speech or a dramatic confession. A simple, “Whew, I had to stop myself from saying that backwards!” or “Lost my train of thought for a sec there!” will do. Practice making your blunders small, public, and inconsequential, and watch the tyrannical power of shame fade away. You might just discover that your “awkwardness” was merely an undiscovered superpower for connection.