The Counterintuitive Way to Build Influence at Work
Stop Helping, Start Asking
In the professional world, we're constantly told to be proactive, offer support, and be a valuable team player. While these are undoubtedly important qualities, there's a counterintuitive strategy that can be even more effective for building influence and fostering strong professional relationships: asking for help.
We all know the feeling of helping someone out. It feels good. Science backs this up: our brains release a cocktail of feel-good chemicals when we assist others, creating a sense of purpose and satisfaction. When we receive gratitude, this feeling is amplified, reinforcing the behaviour. This can lead us to seek opportunities to help, sometimes with an underlying expectation of recognition.
Think about your own career. Have you ever volunteered for a project, hoping it would boost your visibility or earn you praise from a senior leader? Have you felt a twinge of disappointment when your efforts weren't met with the enthusiastic response you anticipated? This subtle expectation reveals a crucial insight: sometimes, our desire to help is intertwined with our own need for validation.
This isn't to discourage helping altogether. Collaboration and support are essential for career success. However, when the primary motivation is the desire for gratitude, we risk missing a powerful opportunity to build deeper connections and enhance our influence.
The Power of Asking: A Strategic Networking Tool
Asking for help is often perceived as a sign of weakness, but it can be a powerful strategic move. Here's why:
It empowers others: When you ask a colleague for assistance, you allow them to showcase their expertise, contribute to your success, and experience the positive feelings associated with helping others. You're giving them a gift – the chance to feel valued and needed.
It builds trust and rapport: Asking for help signals that you value their skills and judgment, fostering trust and mutual respect. This can be especially effective when networking with senior leaders or individuals outside your immediate team. It shows you value their input and expertise.
It strengthens professional relationships: Seeking assistance creates a shared experience and fosters a sense of connection. It breaks down the barriers of hierarchy and creates a more equitable exchange.
It opens doors to mentorship and learning: Asking for guidance or advice can lead to valuable mentorship opportunities and accelerate your professional development.
From Transactional Help to Genuine Connection
The key is to shift from transactional help (where the goal is primarily to receive gratitude) to genuine connection. When you receive help, express sincere and specific gratitude. Acknowledge the value of their contribution and explain how it helped you. This reinforces positive behaviour and strengthens the relationship.
Key Takeaways:
Focus on building genuine connections, not just collecting "thank yous": Before offering help, consider your motivations. Are you genuinely trying to support someone or seeking external validation?
Leverage asking for help as a networking strategy: Don't be afraid to reach out to your network for advice, insights, or assistance. It's a powerful way to build relationships and expand your professional circle.
Express gratitude strategically: When you receive help, be specific in your thanks. Explain how their contribution benefited you and your work. Consider endorsing their skills on LinkedIn or writing a recommendation.
In the competitive world of work, building strong professional relationships is paramount. While offering help is important, embracing the power of asking for help can be a game-changer. By shifting our focus from seeking gratitude to fostering genuine connection, we can build stronger networks, enhance our influence, and achieve greater career success.