The Quiet Influencer
How to Build Connection and Confidence, Even When You're Not the Loudest Person in the Room
Let’s be honest. For many of us, the modern workplace can feel like a stage. We’re expected to perform in meetings, deliver charismatic presentations, and navigate the intricate dance of networking with effortless charm. The prevailing advice is often a simple, yet frustrating, "Just be more confident!"
But what if you’re not a natural performer? What if the thought of making small talk by the coffee machine fills you with a quiet dread, or you have a brilliant idea in a meeting but can't find the right moment to break in? For the millions of professionals who identify as more reserved, shy, or just occasionally socially awkward, this constant pressure to "tell" everyone how great we are can be exhausting. It can make us feel like our true value—our diligence, creativity, and expertise—remains invisible.
As we head into the reflective mood of early August, a time for pausing before the rush of autumn, perhaps it's time for a different approach. What if, instead of trying to change our personalities, we changed our strategy? What if we could build influence and connect deeply with colleagues not by talking more, but by making our value undeniable?
This is the power of a simple but transformative idea: Showing Over Telling.
The Performance Trap of "Telling"
In a professional context, "telling" is the act of making verbal claims about your abilities. It’s saying, "I'm a great project manager," "I'm a creative problem-solver," or "I'm very detail-oriented." There’s nothing inherently wrong with this, but it places the entire burden of proof on your charisma and ability to persuade in the moment. For those who are not natural-born salespeople, this creates a "credibility gap"—a painful space between the high quality of your work and your comfort in broadcasting it.
The "Showing Over Telling" philosophy flips this on its head. It’s a strategy built on providing tangible, irrefutable evidence of your skills. Think of it like this: an architect can tell you about their grand vision for a building, or they can show you the detailed blueprint and a stunning 3D model. Which is more convincing?
This shift is psychologically liberating. It changes the anxious, internal question from "How can I convince them I'm good?" to the productive, empowering question, "What can I create that proves I'm good?"
Your Professional "Showing" Toolkit
Adopting this strategy doesn't require a personality transplant. It simply requires a new set of habits focused on creating "career assets"—tangible pieces of work that demonstrate your value without you having to say a word.
1. The Proactive One-Pager: Instead of waiting for your boss to notice a problem, take the initiative. Identify a small, nagging inefficiency in a team workflow or a minor but persistent client issue. Spend an hour or two researching it and write up a concise, one-page document. Structure it simply: The Problem, The Cause, and A Proposed Solution. Email it to your manager with a simple note: "Hi [Manager's Name], I was thinking about [the issue] and had a few thoughts. No need to act on this, just wanted to share."
The Result: You've just shown that you are proactive, analytical, and solutions-oriented. You’ve started a meaningful conversation based on substance, not small talk.
2. The "How-To" Hero: Every team has complex processes that only a few people truly understand. If you’re one of them, document it. Create a clear, step-by-step guide with screenshots or a short video tutorial. Share it on your company's internal network or with your team.
The Result: You instantly become a valuable resource. Colleagues will now approach you with specific, substantive questions. You’re not just a colleague; you’re the helpful expert. This builds trust and connection organically, as people naturally gravitate toward those who make their work lives easier.
3. The Anonymised Case Study: You closed a great project last quarter, but how do you talk about it without sounding like you’re bragging? Write it up as a brief, anonymised case study. Focus on the methodology. What was the challenge? What was your framework for solving it? What were the key steps? What did you learn?
The Result: This document is now a permanent testament to your skill. You can share it with your manager during performance reviews or even reference it in interviews. It transforms a vague accomplishment into a concrete example of your strategic thinking.
Building Deeper Personal Connections
This principle isn't just for climbing the career ladder. It can transform your personal relationships, too. In friendships, "telling" sounds like, "I'm a good friend," or "I'm here for you." "Showing" is about demonstrating that care through thoughtful action.
Think about a friend who seems stressed. Instead of just sending a "Hope you're OK!" text (telling), you could drop off their favourite coffee or snack (showing). Or perhaps a friend mentioned a book they wanted to read weeks ago. Ordering it for them as a surprise is a powerful act of "showing" that you listen and care.
This is especially effective for bridging awkward gaps. Instead of the vague "We must hang out sometime," try a specific invitation based on what you know about them. "I remember you said you love classic Italian cinema. There's an open-air screening of Cinema Paradiso next Friday, want to go?" This shows you pay attention, turning a potentially awkward invitation into a thoughtful, personal gesture.
The recurring theme is the same: actions rooted in observation and thoughtfulness build far deeper and more resilient connections than words alone.
Your Path to Quiet Influence
Influence isn't about having the loudest voice; it's about having an impact that is felt even when you're not in the room. By consistently "showing" your value, you build a reputation for competence, reliability, and thoughtfulness. Your work and actions create a gravitational pull, drawing colleagues and friends to you for your expertise and genuine care.
This strategy won't turn you into an extrovert overnight, and it’s not meant to. It’s meant to give you a different, more authentic path to success. It allows your work to start the conversation, letting your competence—not your charisma—make the first, and most lasting, impression.
Key Takeaways
Shift from Performing to Preparing: Instead of worrying about how to verbally persuade colleagues of your skills, redirect that energy into creating tangible "proof." This could be a helpful guide, a proactive report, or a portfolio of your work. Let your preparation speak for you.
Use Your Work to Start Conversations: Your "career assets" are not just for performance reviews. Use them as conversation starters. Sharing a helpful document or an interesting finding provides a natural, low-pressure way to engage with colleagues on a substantive level, bypassing awkward small talk.
Apply the Principle Through Thoughtful Action: In both your professional and personal life, demonstrate your value through action. Show a colleague you’re a team player by offering help on a tough project; show a friend you care by remembering a small detail about their life and acting on it. Actions build deeper, more authentic connections than words alone ever can.